each day is new

 I admit I am a star lover, a sky lover, a moon lover. I love to look at the vast sky and see the beauty if provides. Throw in a meteor shower and I feel like I am the luckiest person alive.  As I was praying this morning, I began to cry - to cry for my family that struggles at Christmas, the lost family, the family crossed over, gone, moved on and just not here. I cried for what was and what is and what will be. Before long I was no longer shedding tears for prayers but now feeling sorry for myself. Funny how our emotions always land on self even in our best effort, with the best intentions of thinking of others.  I began to search for comforting scripture and I just have not been able to get the "star" out of my mind. I decided to look up the star and see how it guided and comforted the wise men.  I was in a play once and one of my lines was "oh the Star, if only he could find the star( the girl I played just wanted a non-believer to believe ) " I think of the son

 This time of year is so joyous and happy yet also hard for many. It is a time of parties and family and gatherings. In this time there are some that are missing from that equation. Loss, either through death or maybe just someone moved on, moved away, loss is loss and can create grief.  To live is to grieve. Grief is the price of Love....We are surrounded by it. It is part of the ebb and flow of life.  As I look around I see more than grief, I see busy. We busy ourselves and we often miss the little things of life that are so precious. Busy, busy, busy, life blows by. Here you sit in the dark living in the what if's and why's. I see apathy. We hide. We turn on Netflix and binge watch whatever we can in our few hours of being off of work or our 'downtime'. We shut out and turn off the world and revert into ourselves looking for that peace of comfort we find in nothingness in our dark bedroom searching for peace through the TV. Before long we are looking for light. We be

 That moment when you get THE news The kind of news that leaves you shaking on the inside  Then you realize your holding your breath and can't hide. The kind of news that makes you feel like you could cry, you want to leave Because, fight or flight kicks in but you remain, and feel the bleed. Responsibilities, distance, all that is required of you. But you just hold your breath and feel like you turn blue. And life is going on all around,  You are removed from the Chaos, yet bound Cannot do your work or concentrate on the now. Yet, you cannot teleport to family and be there somehow. So you sit and feel like a zombie, frozen like a bird in snow The empathy is heavy and the heart is low. Thinking of memories passed, thinking of the life Replaying words and phone calls and all the strife.  But each life is special and each person is too  We live, we die, it's how we are made to do.  So we all do our best to be the comfort and show the love We offer words, we offer hugs At the end

 The New Leprosy I often think of leprosy when I think of the mentally ill.  A true Health disparity still.  Sitting alone, while we sit on a hill  They sit in group homes  In jails, a tiny cell, an underpass, a tent.....a hell.  All because they are different  but they are sick all the same But as a society we treat them isolated, mame They beg, they plead We say set boundaries, they bleed. They bleed on the inside While we tell ourselves  There is a divide. They made their choice long ago But they don't choose much No one wants their brain to loose touch We sit on our soap box for so many Yelling inclusion, diversity, and acceptance  They don't get any. They stare off if medicated right Like a zombie with no might If not they speak to the air,  Some violent, lack care Some friendly, some mean. But they are people,  they should be seen.  They deserve dignity and  respect as we all do. Not like a leper not like a shrew Ignored, alone, isolated Cast down, cast aside. No solution

 Have you ever been blamed for something you didn't do?  Then once you say I didn't do that you hear it again....  Then you wonder, do they not see my character, do they not know me and that the accusation is so far from my character that it is preposterous ?  I was praying about it this morning, feeling like maybe it's a spiritual battle and something I just have to endure.  I remember as a young Christian wondering what it meant when someone said they are facing a spiritual battle. Now I know it is a fight between darkness and good. It is the human side of us, the carnal side that involves emotions and rumors, and deep dark thoughts of self loathing and low self esteem and comfort and validity that cause us to do things or say things or feel things that are not of God. It is darkness, it is the sin that no one talks about. The sin that leads to depression and dark places of addiction. It is a fight between good and evil behind the scenes or in your mind that no one sees.