each day is new

I can remember clearly the striving..... the oppression, I can remember clearly the addiction, the weekends filled with alcohol, drugs, sitting around a fire..... Was it depression? Was it addiction? Or is it this recent genetic defect that I have recently learned about with in our genetic make up?  What is this generational curse that embodies us? Now, looking back I think my dad, my mom too and most of my siblings all were self medicating with whatever they could find to dull the hurt of the world all around them. Though they are my memories,  now,  I look back and feel like whatever they are-  they are mine. Memories of my dad, my family,  those however painful at times were also fun times too. I could have easily stepped around the corner, smoked weed, drank alcohol or any of it, but I didn't want to repeat the curse, I wanted to be different. I wanted more out of life. We did not ask for this room or this music, we were invited in.  Therefore, because the dark