The Generational Curse

I can remember clearly the striving..... the oppression,

I can remember clearly the addiction, the weekends filled with alcohol, drugs, sitting around a fire.....

Was it depression? Was it addiction? Or is it this recent genetic defect that I have recently learned about with in our genetic make up?  What is this generational curse that embodies us?

Now, looking back I think my dad, my mom too and most of my siblings all were self medicating with whatever they could find to dull the hurt of the world all around them.

Though they are my memories,  now,  I look back and feel like whatever they are-  they are mine.
Memories of my dad, my family,  those however painful at times were also fun times too.

I could have easily stepped around the corner, smoked weed, drank alcohol or any of it, but I didn't want to repeat the curse, I wanted to be different. I wanted more out of life.

We did not ask for this room or this music, we were invited in. 

Therefore, because the dark surrounds us, 

Let us turn our faces to the light.

Let us endure hardship to be grateful for plenty

We have been given pain to be astounded by joy

We have been given life to deny death.

We did not ask for this room or this music

But because we are here, let us dance. 

- Stephen King 

I chose a different strife. To work and work hard on the daily.  Maybe more like the American dream, but a life without drugs.

Though I did try alcohol, I realized it had a hold on me at a young age and am very thankful that the path I chose took me away from it.

So I went to college in hopes of breaking the generational curse. I decided to make something of myself.

Then kids came along and all my ambition flew out the window.   I just wanted to be mom,  however, life and my path included me to work and be a working mom and that's what I did.

This curse though wants to rear it's ugly head in my kids, in my life once again is a struggle between life and death - depression has a hold, this world, the hurts, the strivings, the competition -the rat race- it is pummeling my babies, my teens like a river current pummels stones.  Read any parent magazine or any magazine or news article online and you will find one that says, anxiety and depression are at a height in our children and teens...... It breaks my heart.

Though I may be shaken, though I might be torn, I live a free life. I look up, I claim HIS promises. I have read the back of the BOOK and we win. I don't walk around head down, heart broken, because I am a victor and this present life is but a vapor -eternal and eternity is what really matters.

 I serve a living God and I believe he is in control and will stand beside me, give me hope and peace and will uphold me through this life. I believe he will protect my children and even offer divine intervention for unbelief. I believe in His omnipotence and omnipresence. I believe in angels.  I believe that God gives us all the chance. I believe though that we do have our own journey and your journey is not my journey. I believe in choices and that we all have them and make them. But at the end of the day I believe in love and the power of love. I choose love and I claim my Sovereign God  can do anything - amen