Why I Embrace Grief

Grief is hard.  It affects people in all different ways.

My mom passed last Monday morning early 3/23/20 and since that day I have cried just about every day. I have heard the expression of grief and mourning felt deep in your stomach and I have cried with such force that I can feel the muscles in my stomach stretch.
I have been easy to cry and or sensitive this whole week while  mourning and thinking of a lot of things, her life, her death, her last few days, my choices, her care, my care for her and the list goes on.

I go to sleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her.

I see a movie, a flower, a rainbow a bird, I think of her. Many things remind me of her and her memory is still so fresh.

I re live those last few days with her,  those last hours. I embrace it.

So why do I embrace grief?

To me it is honoring my mom.  Not letting her memory die is honoring and important to me.

They say that people live on in our hearts, minds and memories.

Yes,  I know she is not suffering any more, I know her body had just really worn out and now she is free, happy and at peace, but her legacy lives on.

It lives on in each of us. We show her strength, her weaknesses, her gifts and talents and they are all ours and  revert back to her - to what she gave us.

It's not that I want to be sad or cry, but I want to embrace her memory. I want to sit with it, I want to cry.
 Personally I don't want to let her go but I have to.  But do I?
I realize her physical presence is no longer with us, but her memory is for always. Her legacy is for always.

I want to revisit those last hours, moments, conversations, why? Because I don't want to forget how special it was, how special she was and how most everything about me is part of her, and most everything about her is part of me.

Her legacy lives on in me, and I embrace the grief as while it is still fresh on my mind and memory I get a little bit longer time with her.






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